Chapter 4 – Extract 23 from The Paradise Induction!
Her email back was nowhere near as warm…it was blunt-force truth; the sentence that repeated in my mind like water-drip torture, kept me awake for four days straight: “The idea of you coming here is stressing me out so much. We don’t even know each other.”
We don’t even know each other, I repeated in my mind. We don’t even know each other.
It had all been a lie. Fake. There was nothing between us. I should have known from all the signs. Even the Valentine’s card she’d sent was hollow.
“I love how much I like you,” the card had said and played a rock track that had no association with me. I’d sent a huge card and created a comical, lengthy poem of how we met. I look back and know the size of the card was all the love I’ve always wanted to give.
After that, I would sign onto Windows Messenger service, only to see her sign off after a few minutes passed.
Facebook’s public mini-feed delivered the last blow a few weeks later.
Arianna Lane: I just had a great night out wink wink…and a good morning wink wink.
I was alone again with a tiny financial redundancy package and unemployment. I moved back to my mother’s flat. Signing on for the Job Seekers Allowance benefit cheques of fifty pounds a week, then failure to acquire a job was a spiral with the escalator steps travelling in reverse. Running it was exhausting, but inactivity took me to a basement so dark, I wanted out.