Godly Relationships.
I wrote this blog over a year ago and decided not to publish it.
It was a little too personal because I’d learned and digested the conflict that occurs within the church of God. By ‘church of God’ I don’t mean my specific church, I mean the church as the body of people who have confessed Jesus as their Lord and Saviour (Christians).
Yes, it should be obvious that Christians argue among themselves–after all, we’re human.
But sometimes these arguments travel to levels that can be even more harmful than a person’s worst enemy.
The reason why it may be more hurtful is the shock; we often expect a person who holds the title ‘Christian’ to be a representative of Jesus.
Sadly, I’ve learned from experience that because of our base humanity, our fallibility, our sin, our selfishness, most of us will misrepresent Jesus and His message repeatedly. I know I certainly have.
As such, I wrote this Christian blog to highlight these problems in Godly relationships; issues that can actually surprise us if our wisdom toward this type of challenge isn’t active.
Godly relationships
A series of thoughts about relationships within the church and the difficulties that emerge…
By Stephen L France
Perhaps one of the greatest impartations I took from my Outreach trip abroad—January to June 2018—was surrounding the nature of our natural human expectations relative to Godly relationships.
When we see a fellow brother or sister-in-Christ, many of us will expect a specific behaviour because the individual bears the title ‘Christian.’
It’s a harsh revelation when someone who calls themselves a Christian hasn’t got the same worldview as us, despite the fact that we all profess to follow Jesus with His two clear commandments:
“Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.””
Matthew 22:37-40
Below are several types of challenges I’ve experienced. They are moments that can potentially erode unified Godly relationships that we may all face at some point or other…
Varying Christian interpretations
Social interaction throughout childhood, teenage years, and adulthood, coupled with a unique set of inherited genetics can form individuals who possess immensely different interpretations of God’s Word.
- Examples materialise in the form of Christians who are supportive of denominations in opposition to those who stand firm that these divisions are not God’s plan.
- Some will take certain laws in Scripture and promote the idea they’re out-dated, or that God didn’t mean what He said in the way it’s been translated.
- Many will even take the belief that every single person is going to Heaven, regardless of Scripture relaying a different message.
- ‘Sex before marriage’ is perhaps the most popular interpretation of ‘man,’ but it occurs in secret. It’s not even an interpretation; it’s ignoring God’s Word completely, saying it’s out-dated or whatever creative idea the person can conjure. There are entire regions and countries that do this.
Seeing and learning about the varying beliefs that Christians hold has been shocking for me, especially when God’s Word appears so clear in what He gives us.
But a powerful understanding of God’s movement in our lives is realising that every person has their individual walk with which to either develop the way of Jesus or not.
It really has to be left there.
No argument.
No debate.
Perhaps some friendly advice, yes. Some words of caution and wisdom, yes. Some words of reproof and correction, yes, if one is in a place to speak into that individual’s theological understanding.
But that’s it.
So, how do we conduct ourselves with people who claim the title ‘Christian,’ yet have perceptions different to our own?
How do we surf these Godly relationships while not being hurt in the process?
Battle with a Christian
Recently, I had a challenge with a very close relative who holds the title ‘Christian.’
Discussing a difficult situation, I fearlessly poured out my heart in transparency and vulnerability.
I closed by saying words to the effect:
“It’s okay. It’s just another trial. Just another furnace. Got to go in and endure it till I get through.”
The individual’s response blew me away and not only that; it hurt me profoundly.
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic!” the person scolded.
“It’s not like you’ve lost an arm or a leg! You’re going over the top about the furnace and the trial!” they continued.
As I attempted to explain the Bible Scripture behind my choice of words, ‘furnace’ and ‘trial,’ on top of clarifying the deep wounds that can affect us in childhood, the individual refused to accept my explanation and grew angrier, interrupting me at every point.
Cutting a rather unexpected, dramatic scene short, my surprise at the individual’s reaction was actually a fault on my part.
I’d made a vital mistake in this conversation; in this Godly relationship.
In my pride, I’d expected that because the person knows me, they would understand what I was saying about my Christian walk, and this is where we go wrong…expectation.
If I could give a single piece of advice, that actually applies to more of life than we might think, it’s this: don’t have expectations.
This doesn’t mean “don’t have hope.” It simply means keeping the hope or expectation on what Jesus has said about life on Earth and more importantly, His promises regarding eternity.
With this, we cannot go wrong. We can’t be shocked when a Christian responds to something we’ve said in a way we didn’t anticipate.
Christians are human. We will all make mistakes.
So, how do we handle Godly relationships?
In relationships with people, whether believer or not, whether family, friend, or even enemy, there is nothing we can do to transform another’s mind. This is not pessimism. This is fact. It’s God’s duty to change those who surrender to Him.
What we can do, is relinquish the prideful mechanisms in our minds that convince us we can change people, and also resist the conceit we hold about our own self-image around others.
Such actions will help us to be less anxious, stressed, fearful, and self-conscious about our relationships.
To close, the following famous prayer says it all:
Serenity Prayer
Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.
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