Our Worst Enemy – SELF.
There have been many moments in my life of helplessness; moments where all the self-help, self-motivation, self-improvement, self-adulation, self-betterment, self-approval, self-affirmation – whatever one wishes to call their method of control, didn’t stand against the tyrannical visitor that chaos can be.
Today, we as a species are facing such a moment with the Coronavirus; a situation which is chaotic and for lack of a better word, ‘unfair.’
Rather than go into my own theories about this horrific scenario, I’d like to share a church blog I wrote in December 2017.
It was about the transformation of my mind through God, that I’ve often passionately talked about with friends, family, and strangers I’ve met through street evangelism in Leicester Square.
I never thought it was possible for a human being to change.
My previous perception about the nature of the mind is that it couldn’t change, only adapt.
I’ve been proven so blatantly wrong on this presumption in the last five years (2015 – 2020).
This blog was written in accordance with the new discoveries I’d made and the personal experiences that emerged.
Our Worst Enemy – SELF
A series of thoughts on the nature of ego/pride/self from a Christ-centred spiritual perspective…
Written Dec 2017 by Stephen L France
I thought I would close this year with a look at self-deception and the need to walk by faith in order to witness the perfect job that God can do with our souls.
Some of this is material I’m repeating, but in journeying with God and reading the WORD, the wisdom from the Bible has become increasingly applicable as I continually surrender to God’s authority.
Perhaps one of the staples of my time examining Scripture, has been the moment my India Mission team leaders interviewed me in 2016 about my reasons for going on Mission.
They dropped a Bible verse on me that would further clarify my perceptions on what it means to walk by faith.
“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”
[2 Corinthians 10:5]
This verse revealed something I hadn’t known before and my thought process entertained the following perspective:
Spiritual warfare isn’t just a supernatural, invisible battle between angels and demons in the spirit world as shown in Daniel 10: 12 – 13.
No.
It’s combat in the mind where we have choices between following (1) the desires, fantasises, ambitions, and imaginations of our flesh, or (2) the humility, meekness, selflessness, and submissiveness of Christ through the Spirit.
This fierce mental struggle is clearly unveiled in chapters six, seven, and eight in the book of Romans.
It’s a very ‘black and white’ revelation only made complicated by our human struggles with sin and the grey areas we can create. e.g. our incredible ability to formulate justification for actions we know are harmful to ourselves or others.
The choice is clear:
We either submit to our Lord Jesus Christ, OR, allow ourselves to be controlled by everything else that the world offers. “[Walk in the light, or walk in darkness]” (1 John 1:5).
The renowned cartoon sketch of the angel and devil on the shoulders—whispering in opposite ears—has truly come to life for me.
Our mind has two wills working; the will of the Spirit and the will of the flesh/enemy/devil/world/SELF/everything else.
The reason I deem SELF the worst enemy in my title for this blog as opposed to satan/devil/lucifer is because we have to authorise the enemy (the devil) to work in us.
It’s a choice.
The hugest self-deception in this authorisation is we unwittingly make a pact with an evil entity who hates us and wants nothing more but to see us robbed, killed, and destroyed (John 10:10).
Of course, he will offer pleasurable, tangible gifts for our allegiance (Matthew 4:4-11) in the disguise of fulfilling certain desires we have.
The problem?
The desires that the devil uses to attract us fall under the spiritual bondage of sin.
There are three ways that the enemy/SELF attempts to reach us that I’ve both experienced and read in Scripture:
- The devil himself and his demons through spiritual attacks – these can be as quiet as whispers in our mind, telling us to act in a way we know to be contrary to God’s wisdom e.g. retaliate to an insult with wrath or violence.
It may also be a whisper, speaking into our value, telling us “we are worthless” and “no good.”
Or, it can be as vicious and audacious as violent night terrors, paying a visit during our sleep.
(I did see a demon-possessed woman when I was staying in the Himalayas of Nepal, but because of my long-standing sceptical disposition about spiritual matters, I still seriously struggle to believe what I witnessed). - Through the world around us – this can range from seeing a lusty, provocative image on a billboard that distracts us; it can also be the deception formed by the opinions of other people e.g. an individual saying: “you’re only into religion because you don’t have a life.”
Even more subtle and unassuming, it might be someone giving you advice e.g. “you have to take care of yourself, look after yourself, put yourself first, look after number one,” in response to your own assertion that the Christ-led life is about serving others. - Our own flesh and conscience – this is particularly dangerous.
The identity we create out of wounds from our pasts is not our friend.
I’m so thankful I’ve been allowed to see this.
In this ‘unfair’ world where pain and suffering comes at all of us, the identity we traditionally compose–and this goes for every single person in this world unless you somehow escaped childhood pains–is a model of self-defence, self-protection, promises, and vows we’ve formed to make sure we’re never hurt again.
Consequently, these coping mechanisms also create barriers against people, preventing vulnerability and transparency–the necessities for a healthy relationship–and also obstructing the full protection and emotional healing offered by the Holy Spirit.
These three methods then divide into multiple, creative tactics that the enemy (the devil) attempts to use to steal from us, kill us, and destroy us [John 10:10].
He is a truly hateful being, desiring the destruction of our identity, the theft of our purpose, and the decimation of our worth. But, all of this requires our SELF-ish agreement to make his desires a reality in our lives.
I’m always irked by the ‘kill and destroy,’ part of this verse in John. It’s not sufficient for us to be dead. The devil wants us absolutely devastated and tormented.
This is where SELF is the danger.
As soon as any of us have agreed to the devil’s opinions, SELF becomes the living, breathing enemy within; a voice in our head that can torment us in a multitude of deceptive ways.
Here are a few examples from my own life of this SELF voice in action:
- It can make me mistrust people/ suspicious of people
- It wants me to retain secrets about myself and others to keep me isolated
- It wants me to gossip and use that as crux for power over others
- It wants me to put on masks to pretend everything is okay
- It will even compel me to spew Godly language in my diction so that I look more ‘Christian’ to others
Essentially, SELF—the part of me filled with the enemy’s lies—wants to escort me to a place of utter isolation through my selfish desires where I can be killed and destroyed.
Where are my decisions emerging from?
It is our choices that make this SELF entity come to life as the enemy within, but just where are our decisions coming from?
There are several binary opposites in gaining a base understanding of where our choices are rooted:
- Jesus or ‘the rest’ – ‘the rest’ can be seemingly positive teachings like forgive because it will lighten your burden. But without Jesus, true forgiveness is impossible
- Humility or pride
- Love or fear
What I’ve found is the clarity of God’s wisdom can be difficult to apply when SELF still has a voice.
One of the challenging decisions I made early on in my Walk was regarding theft.
I was a proud serial thief—a kleptomaniac of sorts.
My great robbery was downloading films illegally.
Sometimes, I would acquire movies with no need or reason other than just to have them.
I had terabytes worth of films and TV sagas—many of which I hadn’t watched like a proud magpie hoarding my precious treasures.
I would boast of this collection in my mind, saying I’ve got one over on the world by accumulating all this free stuff.
The ‘black and white’ of the situation was “theft is theft and we are not to steal.” [Mark 10:19, Exodus 20:15, Ephesians 4:28, Leviticus 19:11]
But, our human minds are fantastically creative with SELF-vindication and justification; I remember my reasoning very well that kept me believing I’m a morally good person:
- I’m not harming anyone really – the film companies have millions of dollars
- Films are overpriced – I deserve this because the movies are too expensive
- The film companies deserve to be robbed for being greedy with extortionate prices
- When I would lose something costly, I would say in my mind, I’m still winning because I’ve downloaded all these free movies
A day arrived at the end of 2015 (my first year in following Christ) when I had to erase all of these films.
There was no human reasoning. Just the truth. They had to go.
After a couple of months of deleting films one at a time, I deleted them all with ‘ctrl + a,’ then ‘delete.’
The enemy (the devil) as we know is always looking for a way into our lives and the deception comes when we unwittingly agree to authorise him in through sin (selfishness), even through seemingly harmless activity as downloading pirate films.
1 Peter 5:8 “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:”
Overall, I discovered that the most dominant ways I’ve allowed the devil into my life was through the abundance of effort invested in SELF-protection and my desperate need for my own SELF-ish desires to be fulfilled.
To the world, both seem harmless, but in the spiritual dimension, it’s different.
Both self-protection and selfish desire can be highly egocentric and if we review Scripture in its entirety—especially the book of Job and Jesus’ battle with the devil in Matthew—we can gain a strong perception of what the devil thinks of us and why he is able to attack us through these means
The devil thinks we are selfish and fearful beings and this is what he plays on.
He can work with any move we make based in selfishness and any action we take founded in fear.
- Self-Protection
The most obvious way that comes to mind about how I managed self-protection was my passion for psychology—understanding people’s minds so I would know if they could be trusted and be able to defend my heart against any reprisals.
Self-protective thinking leads to:
- Fantasy – imagining scenarios where everything works out to our specification
- Pessimistic fantasy – predicating things aren’t going to work out and planning accordingly for the unpleasant result we believe is coming
These mental thought processes kick faith and all our Lord’s promises out the window, presenting the illusion of SELF-control while allowing fear, anxiety, and a host of other erosive thoughts and emotions to enter.
- SELF-ish Desires
Reviewing desires, this is a very deceptive area.
Desires can be good.
We know the Lord gave us our desires, but we also know that it pleases Him greatly when we live a life of self-sacrifice, mercy, and grace [Matthew 19:21].
My main desires have always been to have a family of my own and a successful career in writing that reaps financial prosperity.
I find myself seeing a great trial of refinement in this.
Can we surrender our greatest, deepest desires to experience further intimacy with the Lord our God?
In essence, can we have faith overpowering the tangible physical pleasures of the world?
I learned a very powerful lesson this year about surrender.
The lesson was simple.
Either I surrender all. Or I don’t. My choice.
We sing the words of surrender in church all the time, but do we actually surrender all?
I tried to cut a deal; a fair bargain with our Lord in December 2016.
I said to Him, “Lord, I have given you two years of my life so far and made massive changes by your grace. Let me have 2017 to build my career and finances, so I can then move onto the next step and have a family.”
2017 has not gone as planned.
Far from it.
It has turned 180 degrees the other way. If I could add more degrees on 180 to express how much my year has gone in the opposite direction, I would.
I won’t go into the details of this transformation, but I learned something, very clear.
Surrender is surrender. It can’t be half way, attempting to mix my ways with the Lord’s. It’s either His plan, or whatever I want to do.
Now, I must be even clearer.
It’s not that the Lord doesn’t want me to have the aforementioned desires; it’s simply that He’s guiding this journey now, because I’ve opened that door to Him.
Desires–although natural–can be a blatant distraction.
When things don’t go our way to meet our ambitions, reactions can range from wrath to depression, from madness to suicide.
This is the hard lesson—surrendering control (the illusion of control).
Conclusion
So, I find myself vigilant of both SELF-protection attempts on my part and my own SELF-ish desires (1 Peter 5:8).
They can be pitfalls, taking us off the track of salvation and leading back into slavery to sin.
There is no complaining or upset.
No sadness or confusion.
Just a step of faith every day, not worrying about tomorrow (Matthew 6:33-34), but seeking after the Lord daily.
I’m not going to sugar-coat it. It’s been hard being a Christian.
I sometimes wish I was one of those believers who came to know God and everything was happy and joyful. But the more I learn about God, the more I understand that the Christ-led life is not like this – that this was a myth.
God gives us the full Truth – the Good News, the bad, and the hideous. And that Truth is difficult to swallow.
Dying to SELF–which is what happens when following Jesus–is not meant to be easy…
Closing 2017, my prayer for all who read this is:
Let God transform us so that every word from our heart, mind, soul, and mouth be of the Word of God and the Word of God alone. Take away opinions that spring from a fallen, SELF-ish mindset in Jesus’ name and let us be filled up with the Holy Spirit so that all we think and speak about is for the glory of God and His Heavenly Kingdom.
Amen
Leave a Comment