Why I’m writing…
As I commence writing this very long article, it’s 15:01 on January 23, 2020.
On Friday morning, January 10, 2020, my mother and I had a surprise visit at our home.
Banging at the door with a knock that sounded like a mini-battering ram, the anonymous figures hurled intimidating threats, shouting that they were from the courts, had the full support of the law behind them, and they’d break the door down if unanswered.
Opening the door to two huge men, the looming presence identified themselves as court officers, who’d acquired a warrant granting them legal right to take all our furniture and appliances.
There was no leeway in this discussion.
There was no discussion.
Our powers of speaking the truth, wisdom, intelligence, and debate were like attempting to knock down a brick wall with a tennis ball.
The two large men who played ‘good cop-bad cop’ wouldn’t accept any of our words.
We had a completely legitimate and legal argument–of which I won’t go into–but the unexpected bailiffs’ imposition hurled two impossible options at us…
“OPTION A! YOU PAY THE COURT FINE IN FULL…
OPTION B! WE REPOSSESS YOUR HOME IN ASSETS TO THE TOTAL SUM OF £25,000!”
Desperate calls to family and attempts to debate the hulking men ensued.
Just as they commenced the ‘inventory process,’ mercy arrived through a church friend, who loaned us the money to pay the court fine in full.
My friend later told me that the timing from his end was miraculous.
This was because the bailiffs explained to him that they were supposed to attend our residence some hours earlier. If they’d been able to keep to their scheduled appointment, it’s extremely likely we’d have been unable to reach my friend.
We would’ve lost everything.
After the ordeal, my only solace in my wrecked pride was that one of the bailiffs admitted that our particular situation was unusual…
As I said earlier, I won’t delve into the details, but something seriously unjust had occurred and we were left with the uncompromising consequences.
It was another situation in a growing list of surprising events in my life.
These occasions were shocking because the freedoms we take for granted were stolen for a short period.
I was helpless despite having done everything lawful and diligent to avoid such a drastic measure.
At the moment of writing this, I’m counting the cost of all the decisions I’ve made in my life to date as I seek to remedy the situation.
I’m thankful because my vivid memory serves me well in this endeavour.
Visuals, smells, sounds, and dialogue all the way back to age three can be acutely felt; a mental ability I’ve come to understand is a rarity.
I’m thirty-five now; what was dreamt in my childhood and teenage years hasn’t come to pass.
The dream was simple;
(i) a good wife and children,
(ii) a successful writing career,
(iii) and financial security.
I would dare suggest that these are the common ‘big three’ ambitions of most human beings with the variables being (i) the type of family and/or (ii) career.
But the ‘big three’ hasn’t happened. And I tried to make it so. I really tried.
Things are so far removed from my life’s ambitions, that in a strange way I don’t know myself anymore.
Yet, at the same time, I know myself more intimately than ever before….
What I’ve learned is that vulnerability and transparency are components of Truth that allow for some of the highest forms of communication between people.
Since surrendering to God and accepting Jesus as Lord and Saviour in January 2015, recent years have re-educated me to human nature in every way possible.
I choose the word ‘surrender,’ rather than ‘born again’ or ‘I’ve become a Christian,’ because of the distinct thing that ‘surrender’ communicates.
Simply translated, ‘surrender’ means that in my thought-life and external actions, through faith and obedience, I will do what God instructs, even if I don’t like it.
I now live by the message, “not my will, but yours be done.”
Due to this decision, operations in communication, relationship, and empathy have been changed to such a degree, that I’m no longer the same person.
Speaking and behaving with vulnerability and transparency doesn’t mean telling every personal detail of my life to all.
What it does mean is clearing my mind of self-protective devices that would intentionally conceal personal humiliation, embarrassments, weaknesses, flaws, imperfections, shameful actions, guilty motions, sinister thought processes, selfish ambitions, vain conceits, and whatever aspects of human behaviour that I’d usually prefer to hide, due to the belief that I’d be judged less favourably.
Operating out of vulnerability and transparency grants a lubrication over a conversation or interaction, allowing my connections with people to be real.
In the final half of 2019, the deepest level of introspection was unwittingly brought upon me after what I’d classify as unfair circumstances.
I don’t say unfair to sound like some petulant, ungrateful child.
I say unfair in the truest meaning of the word: challenging circumstances that are placed upon someone without their consent, expectation, or doing; things completely outside a person’s control.
Perhaps it was 2019’s lessons that triggered me to write this 35-year testimony.
Perhaps the bailiffs’ visit was the last lesson in a string of painful ones, but I felt it important to share what I’d learnt in my 35 years of life as thoroughly and concisely as possible.
Without further ado, here is my life so far with the accompaniment of the most prominent messages I felt.
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