19.4.2020.
During this time of reflection, so many things are flying through my head about how to move forward in life after the Corona Quarantine is lifted.
Just before this whole mess, I’d surrendered my career to God.
What this looked like for me was to put aside my writing and editing freelance occupation, and pursue an opportunity in something I would otherwise have never done – security work.
This was all for the sake of my mother who needed (needs) money to pay some severely unjust court fines.
The court fines have allocated no time for me to wait around for a writing/editing job to come through.
Just before the lock-down, I’d completed the SIA (Security Industry Authority) course and literally on the day the quarantine became reality–Friday March 13, 2020–and cases were popping up here in the Westminster area, I acquired my SIA card.
The weekend before, I got severely sick.
While there’s every possibility it might have been Corona, I’m thankful it happened as it was a reminder for me to be grateful for good health. It was the worst flu I’ve ever experienced.
I joked with people that at the beginning of the year, it felt like I’d been ‘Jonah’d.’
By that I meant chased by God in a way that left me very little choice, but to do His will – see story of Jonah.
In this case, it meant getting any job just to make sure that my mother’s court fines were paid on time.
As I write this, there is a tiny bit of frustration at life’s circumstances and the prospect of going back to work as security.
The quarantine hasn’t been a problem.
I’ve had so much peace and even joy during this time, much to my great surprise and all thanks to God.
BUT…the idea of going back to daily life doesn’t excite me…
(26) It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either
2009 – 2010. Age Twenty-Six.
I would be telling a lie if I said my five-year relocation to the Caribbean was the paradise depicted in commercials.
My time there was very far removed from any heavenly abode I can envisage.
A woman I was seeing out there once said to me: “Have you been kept in a cupboard your whole life?”
She said this in reference to my apparent naivety with mundane tasks, and she was right…in a way.
What she didn’t know was that while I was growing up, I’d deliberately concealed myself from a great deal of what the world exposes us to with a firm direction toward the things I wanted in my life.
I avoided the horrors of forcing relationships because of loneliness and kept away from conspicuously broken people, leaving them to fictional accounts I could dive into at my discretion through TV and movies.
In a way, my experience in the Caribbean can be summarised as a success. I accomplished everything I wanted to achieve.
Simultaneously, there was a cost.
I’ve listed this payment from the highest cost to the lowest:
– I dropped my principals, morals, and ethics. This was a huge game changer for me. I trespassed on moral boundaries I’d sworn I’d never break.
– I was afflicted with an ongoing heart palpitations condition, waking up and going to bed with them daily. Subsequently, I was hospitalised with a sharp stabbing pain in my chest. I was sure it was a heart attack as I’d never experienced the sharpness and severity of such agony…
– I rubbed shoulders with psychopaths, sociopaths, hedonists, narcissists, and megalomaniacs. Meeting these kinds of people, looking in their eyes, and being in their sphere, I saw no empathy. This was where excessive drinking and other ‘recreational aids’ assisted in numbing my senses to endure the severely shattered community atmosphere.
– I lost around a total of $7000 to legal fees for a court case that concluded with dismissal as opposed to an ‘innocent/ guilty verdict.’ A court case that everyone on the island found laughable (more on that later), but really had my life on the line.
– I was literally kept prisoner on the island for 9 months due to the court case.
– I learned and experienced behavioural characteristics of the opposite sex that I could have gladly gone my entire life without knowing.
Despite the above, the time abroad gave me a general appreciation of life to an extent that lasts to this day: being born in London, having great parents, my education, eating a decent meal, and being able to breathe without the ferocity of anxiety triggering relentless heart palpitations, are all things for which I’m truly thankful.
I believe this kind of gratitude can only emerge from experiencing tailor-made dark times and coming through on the other side.
Message from Jesus – “-”
Message from the World – “Keep trying. This is paradise! It’s the best you’re going to get in this world. If you can’t make it here, you’ll never be happy anywhere.”
Leave a Comment