2020.4.27.
It’s been a few days since I’ve added to this reflection blog.
Last Thursday morning, I went on the grocery run and saw a clear shift in London’s handling of the Corona.
While I’d previously enjoyed the luxury of a bus chauffeur, the mass fear of London that permitted travelling in such fine style has been replaced with what I’m concerned is a pride and selfish delight.
The sun is out and such a sight seems to diminish the smarts of our city’s people.
They want the sun and they ‘WILL’ enjoy it, Corona be damned.
Not a wise founding motivation, but it was very apparent as I boarded a full bus last Thursday; the same bus that had been completely vacant the past three weeks.
It’s a vivid reminder of our (humanity’s) inherent disobedient and rebellious nature.
I think the journey was marked well by the bus’ automatic reminder:
“You shouldn’t be using public transport for anything other than essential journeys. Stay home. Save lives.”
Two people, who appeared as though they’d spent the night partying, alighted with a smirk, likely directed at the automated message.
(32) Down the Rabbit Hole
2015 – 2016. Age Thirty-Two.
As I grew deeper with the Christian faith, reading the entire Bible over and over, I couldn’t help but compare it to previous religions, philosophies, new-age ideas, critical theory, life-coaching, motivational talks, self-help material, psychology, counselling, English, American, and Greek literature – essentially, all the things that attempt to offer answers to the more profound questions of life.
Everything PALED in comparison to the answers in the Bible.
Comprehensive answers to profound mysteries of the human condition, were arriving at a speedy rate and the truth is, I didn’t like many of the answers.
They were real and harsh.
They spoke of the unfairness of life and the pain that comes with it.
The writers of the Bible didn’t try to mask or delude readers about the suffering, chaos, and unfairness of this world.
It didn’t conceal that the proverbial ‘nice guy’ would be metaphorically kicked in the testicles repeatedly.
It spoke of the real work of a human being; to represent Jesus in all manner of response through love, meekness, humility, gentleness, kindness, and assertiveness.
For me, celibacy was the first thing that happened almost automatically, alongside removal of profanity from my language.
Swearing just disappeared from my vocabulary and actually became abhorrent to my ears…which was really strange. Every curse word became distinctly harsh to hear.
After being baptised in July 2015, September 2015 saw my first major decision of obedience where the ball was in my court.
There was nothing automatic about what I knew I had to do; it was a proper fork in the road of which the choice would have NO external result that I could measure…
I possessed a massive collection of movies and TV sagas that I’d downloaded over a period of 12 years. It was about a Terabyte’s worth…
In a very random conversation, a Bible home-group member had made it clear that downloading movies from ‘free’ sites was theft.
Even though there was an ongoing debate about this in the home-group of Christians, something about the clarity of his words hit me square in the jaw, putting me out with no potential for comeback.
“Theft is theft,” he repeated.
It took me back to a memory of university where a student who I lived with had returned from her criminology class.
As most passionate undergraduate students tend to be, she exhibited what she learnt through a powerful sweeping statement.
“We’re all criminals,” she said.
In my pride, I immediately rejected her notion.
She went on to explain a type of crime–of which the name escapes me–where the criminal can justify the means through their own subjective morality.
She raised my collection of downloaded movies and essentially said, “I was stealing.”
Of course I argued against it, but this moment–second year in university–would mark one of my first occasions where the folly of subjective morality, having our “own truth,” would be unveiled as the deceptive concept that it was and is.
I didn’t get it then, but in 2015 with the Bible highlighting ‘theft’ with stark clarity, I KNEW.
Back then during university, I remember leaving our kitchen deflated.
I’d argued back, but my housemate was right.
My pirate movie collection was a crime.
It was theft.
I’d simply justified it through my own subjective moralising.
Fast forward to September 2015, and I had a choice.
DELETE my collection of films and TV sagas – all those seasons of 24, and Dexter, all those 80s’ and 90s’ movies, my Arnie collection, so many movies… Or, continue to live a lie that it was okay to hold onto these ‘stolen goods.’
I began by deleting one at a time, until the day came when I felt something give me strength; a strength that was clean and clear.
All the movies HAD. TO. GO.
I pressed ‘ctrl – A’ and DELETED the lot.
March 2016 was another major marker in my journey. This is when I believe I met the Holy Spirit; the third person in the Triune God-Head.
I’d learned about the concept of rejection during an Easter conference at our church. I’d NEVER studied this concept before in light of my own life and well, wow…
I learned so much about the childhood wounds of life that I was brought to my knees.
I cried the hardest I’ve ever cried and lost count of time.
On that special evening, I still don’t know how much time passed by, but it was around two or three in the morning when I rose to my feet, my face wet.
In June 2016, I embarked on a men’s purity walk.
At the initiation, I didn’t know that this step of faith would sow uncompromisingly powerful truths into my life about God and the human condition.
Message from Jesus – “Keep following in obedience. Deny the ‘self.'”
Message from the World – “This is absurd.”
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