12.4.2020.
As the bizarre life-threatening situation of Corona continues, I pray to God about the weaknesses of my mind.
One such painfully obvious weakness, is the level of internal condemnation I possess.
There are several components to this:
1. Competition – this is my mind’s way of elevating myself through an internal comparison with people.
2. Desire for appreciation. It’s difficult to believe I’m appreciated when I’ve never had a relationship. In school and university, I recall the change people would undergo once they had a partner. They’d become more confident and of course spend less time with me. To this day, I have yet to experience this.
3. Self-condemnation: Condemnation is created by whatever standards/laws/rules we’ve created in our mind. We measure ourselves by this code and others too.
I know I cannot change this overnight. But it’s something I’m vigilant of more than ever before…
(17) Second death in the family
2000 – 2001. Age Seventeen.
This is when morality really took hold.
Perhaps it was all the Shakespeare, but I really wanted to be a good man and declared it to myself as an affirming stamp on my soul.
It was a strange force, but I wanted to be like my image of a knight. A man of integrity.
What did I mean by ‘good man?’
To me, the answer was simple.
Treat others how I wish to be treated.
I suppose I could say I based this off Jesus’ teaching, but I by no means liked religion.
I especially detested Christianity.
Message from Jesus – “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Message from the World – “Be a good man so everyone can see you and admire you for your moral integrity. ”
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