9.5.2020.
One of the ugliest traits within the Christian definition of pride is disobedience.
Another would be hypocrisy … today I saw this on the Kings Road.
London appears to have jumped from extreme fear to extreme pride.
Pride for Christians is described by very simple phrasing: “Not your will but mine be done.”
Nothing has changed about the Corona Virus.
We are now rated as having the highest death rate.
There is confusion as to its origin and there are vaccines in process of being made ready for human consumption. But the confusion about the virus remains.
So how is it that London has gone from mass fear to mass pride (disobedience) when nothing has changed?
While I could easily write an entire theological paper about it, it comes down to inherent disobedience built into every single one of us.
Funny thing is–saying such a judgement is hypocritical of me.
I would have done the same thing had I not felt ‘higher’ communication telling me to take this Corona Virus seriously.
I could be wrong.
We can always get higher communication wrong. But it’s what I felt and so by faith, I obeyed and have only been out for grocery runs.
(35) Life surrendered involuntarily
2018 – 2019. Age thirty-five.
I think it’s important to note that since coming back into London on Dec 22, 2014, it has felt like my life has been on hold. But, my spiritual life has moved so fast it’s uncanny.
When I say my life has been on hold, I refer to what I classify as the big three.
(i) Wife and kids,
(ii) successful career, and
(iii) financial freedom.
These aspects have not seen any progress and that’s just being really honest with myself.
When I refer to spiritual life, I have learned so much about Jesus, the human condition, and my weaknesses.
So, from Oct 2018 to Oct 2019, my spiritual life has continued to go through much development.
I faced some of the deepest wounds of childhood that I didn’t know I possessed.
I was compelled to relinquish some of the most significant things in my life to God.
Turning 35 on October 16, 2019 was a massive landmark for my life.
From since I was 10–maybe even younger than that–I’d seen 35 as an age when I would have it all.
I’d have the beautiful, faithful wife, the children I was raising with good moral principles, the career in writing, and the financial independence to live worry free.
This is not the case.
Very, very, very far from it.
From a secular perspective, I’ve failed.
I’m living at home with my mother and paying her court fines.
I don’t say this for self pity or anything tragic.
Far from it.
It’s actually been an honour to be able to help my mother in this way and I’m glad to do it.
But what turning 35 did is tangibly compel me to relinquish everything to God.
This is because I had detailed plans and dreams about life that only lasted up till 35.
After 35, in my mind, there’s a blank slate, since having all the components I desired would’ve created the next steps.
If I’d had a wife and children, the next steps would have formed themselves.
If I had a successful writing career and was comfortable with money, the next steps would’ve materialised.
But, I don’t have a single one of the components, so there’s no plan after 35.
What’s more important is the timing of such a powerful lesson.
I’ve been walking with God since January 2015.
I’m thankful that in this painful opportunity granted by the relentless turning of the clock, I can now knowingly, visibly submit my mind to God’s will and what He wishes.
I’ve deliberately been keeping the raw truth thought journal since I turned 35, because I really want to see what will be produced from my life in following God.
In the secular world, this would be called gambling with one’s life or taking a risk.
In the Christian world, this is faith.
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